How often should I call my elderly mother?

There is no right number. Two or three real calls a week from you is a good goal, as long as somebody talks with her every day. That somebody doesn’t have to be you. Betsy, a computer voice, calls at the hour she picks, talks for about ten minutes and remembers everything, for $2 a day, billed $60 a month.

You already know how often you call. What you want to know is whether it’s enough, and on that nobody agrees.

“I get twitchy if I don’t hear from them for a couple of days”
Mumsnet, January 2021

What is the usual advice on calling an elderly mother?

Who	How often	The reason
Dear Abby, 2025	Once or twice a week	A teacher of 54, worn down by a nightly call to her mother of 84
Lifeline, a medical alert company, 2026	Daily or every other day	Daily during a heat wave, a cold snap, an illness or right after a hospital stay
A trial in JAMA Psychiatry, 2021	Daily for five days, then at least twice a week	Given the choice, 58% stayed at five calls a week

Why do the answers differ?

Because two jobs get mixed up in one number. One is the daily job: somebody asks about her day, and she gets to tell it. The other is yours: you say the kitchen quote came in, and she asks about the kids. The first wants every day, at a set hour. The second wants you awake and not driving.

Pew Research Center reported in 2019 that adults 60 and older who live alone spend about 10 and a half hours alone each day. That is the case for the daily job.

What makes a call count?

A set hour, so you both expect it. A real question: “What did you have for lunch?” gets further than “How are you?”, which gets “fine” in every family. And something to ask, which is the hardest part on a Wednesday when nothing has happened to either of you.

Where Betsy fits

We make Betsy. She takes the daily job: ten minutes, every day, the same voice, the hour Mom picks, and a memory for every conversation. You keep the calls only you can make, and on Sunday she hands you something to ask: “Ask her about the summer she worked the Dairy Queen window in 1961.” She is from you, not instead of you. She says so on the first call, with your name in it: “Sarah set me up because she wanted somebody to call you every single day.” What Betsy is has the rest. What to do if you can’t call every day picks up from here. Is there a service that calls my mom every day? starts from the top.

Questions people ask

How often should someone check on their older parents that live alone?

Some contact every day is a sound aim, and it matters more during an illness or a heat wave. It doesn’t all have to come from you. A sibling, a neighbor or Betsy can share the days.

I don't want to phone Mom every day. Is that okay?

Yes. Dear Abby told one daughter in 2025 to make it once or twice a week. If you do, tell Mom which days are yours, and make sure somebody has the others.

My mom calls me too much. What can I do?

Set the times you’ll call, and keep them. If she wants somebody to talk to between those calls, she can call Betsy any time at the same number, and Betsy knows who it is.